What's A Girl to Do?

Today I received an email congratulating me on my acceptance into one of the most prestigious universities in my state. Talk about major excitement! After calling my parents, grandparents, and "adoptive mothers", I texted my best friend. Not to tell her of my acceptance, but to ask about our lunch plans. Of course she'd canceled on me yet again. Sometime in the middle of our conversation I asked if she had checked her acceptance decision yet (she'd applied to the same university), she had not. After that I never heard back. She didn't get in, and I don't know what to tell her. This is something entirely out of my control, and something she has every right, I suppose, to be upset (or even jealous) about. This feeling though, of getting something someone so badly wants, it's difficult. I won't stop being excited for myself, but knowing that this was/is my second choice school (the other does't send decisions for another month)...I just don't know what to tell her. I wish I did. This just isn't something that words can make better. Especially not words coming from me.

Now is not the time I need to not have one of my best friends not speaking to me! There are things going on that I've never been through, and she has. One of those times that only someone who knows you better than you know yourself can really understand. Not having that...I think I'll go mad. If it wasn't for all this dratted homework I've put off I'd be at her door tomorrow with food and a chai tea. Okay, or at least a really big bar of dark chocolate. Alas, homework keeps me on the island (distance is never an issue in such personal matters). That and a broken foot. Not fun let me tell you. A hazard of being a martial artist. Unfortunately dedication to training is what is now keeping me from training for nearly a month.

Well, it's very nearly 3am and I'm prattling on. Definitely not a philosophical post this go-'round. 2010 is shaping up to be quite the year, and it's not even one-quarter through!

Peace,
Elina

The photograph above is from the famous library at Trinity College, Dublin.

In continuing with the disjointed, random post:
A favorite of mine from a fairly well known Irish band, The Script.

Don't Let the Last Dance Regret Be the Last Goodbye

Regret. Guilt. Although they hold different definitions in the English language, it seems in life they are synonymous. We do things, say things, that we wish we could take back. However, we can't unbake the cake, or unbreak the egg. The words can not be unspoken, nor actions taken back. The reason for the action that caused regret is not always clear. We are human, emotional, rash, and sometimes foolhardy beings. We act and speak without thinking, but this may be with deep passion, or even for reasons which we yet have the inability to comprehend. Whatever the reason may ultimately be, we may still feel the wave of shame and regret. This can be so strong we feel crushed by the behemoth to the point that our past actions consume our thoughts and are forefront in our minds, leading to stress, pain, and a desire to make recompense for our actions. We hurt those who mean the most to us because whether we are thinking clearly or not, we know they are the ones who will forgive us and still care.

We are told many times over that our actions are what truly define us. Is this true? Is every action being judged, every step measured? If this were so, no one would ever be unmarked for a misstep or misdoing. Perhaps it is instead how we handle our mistakes that truly defines who we are. Are we strong enough to face our mistakes head on and lay claim to them? It is such a difficult task. No one likes to be wrong, but we can not unfortunately, be right every time. This is not necessarily however, a question of it being better to ask forgiveness later. Such a cliché is only appropriate when we are conscious of our behavior. To me it appears we feel the most remorse towards things we have done in times when reason and rationality was not foremost within our concerns. These are the times in which we can make complete fools of ourselves, show our true fight and passion, lie with precision talent, or tell the truth because it can no longer be kept locked away. This can be cause for such confusion and fuel the flames of guilt. The times when we can not even tell ourselves whether we were angry, telling the truth, or if even there was truth within our lies and accusations.

Perhaps it is not simply forgiveness which should be asked. There is always an underlying reason for our spur of the moment actions. Maybe along with apologies we should ask for a lent ear. A time to bring to light the cause for our actions. If approached correctly there is always a chance to make things right again. This may bring about drastic change. Change is good, and is the natural order of all things. One action does not define a person. It is a lifetime of actions, those over an extended amount of time, which elicit the true character of a person. If you remember nothing else, remember this: "Yes, the past can hurt, but the way I see it, you either run from it, or learn from it."

Peace,
Elina

The photograph is a sunrise someplace in County Derry.