Regret. Guilt. Although they hold different definitions in the English language, it seems in life they are synonymous. We do things, say things, that we wish we could take back. However, we can't unbake the cake, or unbreak the egg. The words can not be unspoken, nor actions taken back. The reason for the action that caused regret is not always clear. We are human, emotional, rash, and sometimes foolhardy beings. We act and speak without thinking, but this may be with deep passion, or even for reasons which we yet have the inability to comprehend. Whatever the reason may ultimately be, we may still feel the wave of shame and regret. This can be so strong we feel crushed by the behemoth to the point that our past actions consume our thoughts and are forefront in our minds, leading to stress, pain, and a desire to make recompense for our actions. We hurt those who mean the most to us because whether we are thinking clearly or not, we know they are the ones who will forgive us and still care.
We are told many times over that our actions are what truly define us. Is this true? Is every action being judged, every step measured? If this were so, no one would ever be unmarked for a misstep or misdoing. Perhaps it is instead how we handle our mistakes that truly defines who we are. Are we strong enough to face our mistakes head on and lay claim to them? It is such a difficult task. No one likes to be wrong, but we can not unfortunately, be right every time. This is not necessarily however, a question of it being better to ask forgiveness later. Such a cliché is only appropriate when we are conscious of our behavior. To me it appears we feel the most remorse towards things we have done in times when reason and rationality was not foremost within our concerns. These are the times in which we can make complete fools of ourselves, show our true fight and passion, lie with precision talent, or tell the truth because it can no longer be kept locked away. This can be cause for such confusion and fuel the flames of guilt. The times when we can not even tell ourselves whether we were angry, telling the truth, or if even there was truth within our lies and accusations.
Perhaps it is not simply forgiveness which should be asked. There is always an underlying reason for our spur of the moment actions. Maybe along with apologies we should ask for a lent ear. A time to bring to light the cause for our actions. If approached correctly there is always a chance to make things right again. This may bring about drastic change. Change is good, and is the natural order of all things. One action does not define a person. It is a lifetime of actions, those over an extended amount of time, which elicit the true character of a person. If you remember nothing else, remember this: "Yes, the past can hurt, but the way I see it, you either run from it, or learn from it."
Peace,
Elina
The photograph is a sunrise someplace in County Derry.
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