Tie-Dyes & Finger Paints

Okay, so it turns out that it will be more than 5 weeks till my big transition. There were no summer classes for me to take since I already have so much academic credit. But ultimately that's alright I suppose. It means I'll probably have a later graduation, but it also means that I'll be home for the summer to work and assist my parents. It also means that I could pick up a ticket to see The Script in concert, as well as tickets to go see the Rockstar Mayhem Festival with my Dad. Having summer off from classes is one of those great catch 22s of life. But that doesn't mean that I don't have things to work on for the next academic year! I've already registered for the earliest orientation since you can't sign up for classes until you attend one. That will be in a little over 4 1/2 weeks here. I've also submitted my deposit for housing and made notifications of my housing preferences, which aren't 100% guaranteed as a "new" (transfer) student. But that is how such things work! I'm just hoping the classes I need are going to have enough seats left that I can snag one. This weekend will also mean working on my application for the honors program at my new school. I don't know if they'll let me in as a second-semester junior, but it's always worth a try! The application is free except for the investment of my time, so the worst they can do is tell me no. At least I'll have tried.

For once I'm actually really excited to go to school. Not that I don't think it will still be academically difficult, but this just feels right. I'm not fighting an uphill battle from day one as it has been at my current university. Rather everyone is very nice and very willing to help, and take the time to help without making me feel ridiculously pressured or guilty for taking up their time. And that part has just been so wonderful within itself. I don't know if it's the beach culture, or what. But if the most hassle I've dealt with so far (trying to get someone to transfer me through to the right department. Which I really technically didn't/don't have access to yet as a new student.) *knocks on wood* is the most I'll experience for a while, well that'd be pretty darn wonderful. I don't think life should be so difficult. I feel like if you are feeling as if life shouldn't be so damn hard, then you're probably not on the right path. It's not easy to face, and it's not easy to make the decision to change. But once you do it's quite a freeing feeling.

Today was one of those lazy, but busy days. I dropped off a paper assignment after pulling an all-nighter, picked up some official records, got coffee, and mailed a package (can't wait to hear from my friend once she gets it!). Then I walked up to an event the campus social justice ministry was holding. I got to be back in elementary school again! They had watermelon, popsicles, and an undeterminable flavor of red & purple drink as the snacks. And the "artsy stuff" was the best. As in I tie-dyed 4 shirts and finger painted! I made one of the shirts for mom and one in my new school colors!!! Or at least as best I could by pouring dyes of different colors together until I achieved the right hue. Then tonight my community had a huge pasta dinner, along with fruit, chicken wings, and ice cream sundays! This was in conjunction with a screening of The Social Network on a big inflatable screen in the quad. Overall a good night despite the cold.

But tonight, I feel so bad for one of the gal's in my dorm. She's going through things so similar to what I went through around this time last year. I know how much it hurts and I can see it on her face. And it makes me wonder if that's how I looked, or was I well practiced enough at hiding it by then? When I look back at photos of myself I can see it in a couple of them, but not many. I wish there was something more I could offer than tea, chocolate, a lent ear, or words on a page. But there's really not. This isn't something that other people can help you deal with all that much. The solution has to come from within, and that timeframe is different for everyone. I've just started working to that solution. It's taken so long because I was convinced that if I said enough times that I was fine, that I was long gone and moved on, that I'd really start to believe it. But that's not true. I hope beyond hopes that she can start her self-healing much, much earlier than I did. Because it's not an easy process. It's not one to be taken lightly, or without its setbacks. And if we don't start to help ourselves, it can hurt our relationships with other people, as I have learned. And that can make things even more difficult. Hopefully for all of us the rapidly approaching semester's end will bring renewal and changes for the better in life.