It amazing how much is going to change in the next 5 weeks. 5 weeks! That's just over one month, and around 14 days from when I'm done with this university. To think that I never have to return to this place again unless I want to is huge. To think that I'm undergoing another massive transition in much less than one year is starting to freak me out. Not freak me out in a bad way, but not in a good way either, I think. It just shows how quickly life can change, and it doesn't have to be from something massive like getting married, having a kid, or loosing a loved one. In 5 weeks I will be on a new path in life, I will have a different zip code, I will be at the opposite end of the state from where I normally reside. It will be an area that I don't know the history of, I don't know the local lore or stories. It will only be 8 miles further from home than my school now, but that 8 miles equates to an extra 1/2 hour of driving. And considering that I'll already be at the beach...my mom and I figure I won't be home as much. I also feel as if this summer I will still need to secure a job. And if not for payment, at least an internship.
It's just amazing to me that this is all happening so fast. The waiting since the end of January was a very slow process. But come April 1st everything has kicked into high gear. It's time to plan out where I'll live, how I'll get there (will Mom come to help me move, or will I be on my own again?), what I'll take with me (will there be room for my surfboard?!!), what classes I'll take, and there's always talk of how life is going to be different.
I keep looking around here as I walk to classes and go about my campus life, and I think about what I'm giving up. The prestige of going to a university that only admits 10% of its applicants (and even less for transfer), the countless resources that are simply there for us (I mean, how many schools can say they have their own hospital system? On campus. Yeah), and the quirks of the "hippy city" down the road. But then I think of what else I am "giving up". I will no longer have the pressure to complete my degree in a set amount of time with the fear of not being able to finish. While I will still strive to do well for myself, I will not feel the constant weight of a top-ranked academic institution pressing down on my shoulders every time I go to study or complete an assignment. I will no longer be trapped on campus, relying on the city bus to get my car. I will not be stuck in a "city" (I got my definition of "city" redefined with a weekend visit to Chicago last fall), but will instead be able to find refuge in the vast expanse that is the Atlantic Ocean, the end of the earth you could say. And while I will be giving up good things here - the friends I've made, the little local co-op grocery, my hard-wood floored dorm room, lol! - I will be gaining so much by simply redefining my track in life. Happiness, is what life is all about. Being fulfilled in what you choose to do. You don't have to earn a ton of money. As long as you can survive, if you are happy, that is worth so much in this world.
Then I think of the struggles I will face, and overcome, one more time. I'll have to register later for classes - thereby not always getting 1st pick, I'll have to learn a new campus, a new social scene, and a new town. I don't know anyone in the area (although my Mom tells me my godfather - whom I've never met - lives in the area) so I'll be starting fresh. But I suppose I look like I fit in there. When I visited I had people ask me for directions, and some locals even though I was coming in to work at the restaurant I went to eat dinner at! I also know I won't be alone (as it says over on the right hand side of this page). My family is there to support me, as are my friends new and old. Also, from the experience so far, I have a very, very helpful university administration. Everyone's always so nice that I almost start crying dealing with them because it's just such a relief. There are still your typical snags as with any big system, but there hasn't been the same ridiculous runaround that I've gotten here. This makes the whole thing so much less stressful, I can't even tell you!
Today I received an email about orientation, and the other night I was preparing everything for my housing application. It makes it all so real. It seems like yesterday this was just an idea, it was just yesterday I was freaking out before Christmas because I didn't want to let my parents expectations down by not coming back here. And I almost didn't. But tuition was already paid, and there was no way I would throw away that much money. Instead, when I got back I vowed to get help, and I did. Although academically it was still a struggle, I (slowly) found that the rest of life did not have to be. If something isn't right, if it's causing you that much distress, you obviously need to change it. And that realization, that decision within itself can be so intensely difficult that you don't even know how you'll just get through that part. But once you do, once you make a decision, then you can move forward with the planing. And that part's never so hard when there's specific steps you must go through. But you can't do it alone. Campus Health is there for a reason. Sometimes just admitting that you need to go there can be really hard, because none of us want to admit that there's something we can't do ourselves. But simply making an appointment, that's the 1st step. That's when you start to realize that maybe you can get everything under control. So I urge you, that if you're having a hard time, if you feel like life shouldn't be this much of a struggle, go get help. There's nothing to be ashamed of in it. CHS is there for that reason. Besides, you paid for it, you may as well take advantage of the resources. Because one thing is for certain, it certainly can't hurt you.
So, I have to give much thanks to Iliana for helping me through the first part of this semester. I could have never done it without her. And once I leave this school, though I'll never see her again, I'll always remember her. Even if she was just doing her job.
5 weeks. Are you ready? I'm ready. Or at least I'm pretty sure I'm ready! This is so crazy!!! Go world!
Peace,
Elina
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